Monday, May 31, 2010

69. Chronicles of Tam-Brahm land

Dear Non-Tamil readers of this blog,
This is a highly Tanglified post. Due to maximum uage of resources like patience and sincerity in a highly productive activity, Farmville, I am currently running out of stock to translate every single tanglified word into inglees. However, due to the deluge of fan mails urging me to do so, and also because this blog is a very unbiased blog and meets the emotional needs of all and sundry, particularly the mentally challenged, since the author can to a great extent relate to them, few important, life-changing recorded events have been translated for the benefit of the readers. The last sentence had 61 words and 6 commas !
From Madras to Tirunelveli to Kallidaikurichi to Madurai to Trichy to Srirangam to Madras - The Almanac

Family gumbals the going to Tirunelveli by Nellai Express. Crowding almost a compartment of the train.Orey the gilpaans and the galatta. Buying truck load of tirunelveli halwa from iruttu kadai for relatives and relatives of relatives(as if the former list wasn't enough). Watching the Thamirabarani river course its way through boulders and bedrocks. Being victim to the ways of the wind throwing your hair in directions unknown even to Columbus. Reaching Kallidaikurichi for thatha's sadabhishekam(80th b'day). Walking around in half-saree looking like a perfect nincompoop. Being unable to stand straight after namaskaramofying every other older entity in the hall. Patiently listening to curious maamis, "Oh, you studied in XXX college? My Daughter-in-law's brother's friend passed out of the same college in 1823. Do you know him?". Flashing a perfectly doltish smile and nodding head in negative. Maamis looking down condescendingly and tch-tching among themselves.
Eating pappu mammam, aviyal, vattha kozhambu, aloo curry, pappadam, pal payasam like a deprived beggar. Realising you are 'athai'(dad's sister) to the guy you have been calling 'anna' (Elder brother) since you last understood the meaning of the word. Having every single kid running around calling you 'chitthi'(Mom's sister). Kuliyals(the highly uncommon ritual of bathing) at aathangarai(flowing river outside the house. In our case, the one outside a nearby temple). Family, extended family, and their respective extended families dancing to kutthu paattu(fast beat dance numbers) all evening. (News has it that they had to chain yours truly to a 287 tonne trunk in order to keep from jumping around to every beat like a chimp caged for decades). Madurai - Meenakshi amman temple goings. Ummachikku prayings. Watching people drink cow's urine as if it were Coke's equivalent. The last statement wasn't a joke. 
Note : One of the famous temples had 'Special Darshan tickets' available in the denomination of 20/-, 50/- and straightaway 250/-. I mean, no scope of even a 100/-. With a 250/- ticket, you get to enter the sanctum sanctorum directly for divine darshan, as compared to the other ticket queues, where you can have a quick nap for half an hour, get up, brush, bathe and then quickly move those 5 cms the guy in front of you would have moved in all this time. In times to come, I propose there be a 5,00,000/- too, using which you can take God home for a day or two, feed him his favorite dishes, and safely send him or her back to the temple. World peace. 

Anyway, that's that. Mata Anu-nandmayi has realised two very important things during her sabbatical. So, here are her two cents :

1. One, no God worth his salt is easily pleased these days. What with most of them sitting on lofty mountaintops that throw down a fleet of minimum 1000 steps. Please consider filing a plea for reimbursement in cash and kind for any unfulfilled wishes, inspite of herculean efforts taken to climb. Priya Gold, haq se maango.
2. Second gyaan is a theory(based out of experience), which will soon become famous in the years to come, so please keep the autograph books coming. The following words carry brutal truth, so just digest.
Behind every good looking man on a bike, there are his wife and child.      
On that note of wisdom, let me leave you to ponder over. Mata has spoken.


  1. Hilarious post :P
    When will Mata anu give me Darshan and sign my autograph book ? :)

  2. Very entertaining post... =))

    "With a 250/- ticket, you get to enter the sanctum sanctorum directly for divine darshan, as compared to the other ticket queues, where you can have a quick nap for half an hour, get up, brush, bathe and then quickly move those 5 cms the guy in front of you would have moved in all this time. In times to come, methinks there will be a 5,00,000/- too, using which you can take God home for a day or two, feed him his favorite dishes, and safely send him or her back to the temple."


    Its all about the money, honey!

    If Shoaib Malik can demand 35 million for the exclusive telacast rights of his walima ceremony... then... (fill in the blanks)

  3. rotfl on the bike comment..enna oru observation..kalakarel pongo :D

  4. LOl!! lovely post.. total ROFL.. and your last statement- whaatay tatuvam, whattay tatuvam!

  5. Haha too good Anu...what queues at temples...gosh!Sadly money pleases everyone around God except him;)

    Speaking of men...
    All the Mr.Perfects look booked:(...but they are become perfect only after marriage:P...they say married men live just seems longer!:P


  6. Thanks LP, very kind of you to say so =)

  7. Roshmi,

    Thank you :) Money hai toh honey hai !

  8. Gilssu,

    Pazhakka dosham nu vecchukongolen ! :P

  9. AJCL,

    Glad you like the post, But ultimately, all is well that ends well(like this post), what do you say? :P I knew the tattuvam would be food for thought for many. I would have asked you to feed all this wisdom to your kid, it were a girl. Alas, not many are fortunate to receive Mata's gyaan :)

  10. Raksha,

    Good looking men are always 'already taken', girl. Sigh, do we have hope? :P

  11. // Variabilizing Anu pre and post trip
    float sizeOfAnuPreTrip;
    double sizeOfAnuNow;

    All that gorging and slurping... Hope it did you lotsa good.

    You are a nincompoop, aren't you (no need for the words 'like a')? :-) :-)

    Madam, you rocked. Mata Anu-nandmayi a.k.a. chiththi a.k.a. aththai a.k.a the biker ogler :-) is hereby given the keys to the gates of ho-ho-ho-hilarity-land.

    You are tagged on my blog. Respond at your own leisure and peril.

  12. yapa sami.. ore thamasu.... ticketting is the easiest bribe around!!..ana ore thathuvams ah pesringa!!

  13. Ram,
    Seeing everything in the form of variables and data to be collated - The mark of a true Software engineer :) You nailed it in your variabilising Sir.. I sure would have put on a good amount of weight, thanks to nalla kindified paal payasam after every meal :P

    Of course, I AM A nincompoop, sorry for the typo :)

    Thanks for burdening me with the onus of a tag(sigher).

  14. Hary,

    With every greying hair, Mata feels the reponsibility of sharing her profound knowledge with shishyas such as thou :P

  15. Ayyo very laugh is coming ma..Enjoyed this - thanks!

  16. I have graduated past the software engineer stage. I still do scripting once in a while.

    I am neither a manager nor a coder.
    I am neither into business development, nor a co-ordinator.
    I am neither into hardware, nor into software.
    I am into projects and releases, but never really into them.
    I am not in quality, but get hounded by them once in a while.
    I am not in Finance, but get paid by them anyway. :)
    Hey, I am not in HR, FWIW.
    Guess my job? :-) :-)

  17. JPK,



    :D Thaang you, simmmbbbly!

  18. Ram,

    I give up. Too much of getthhu your work has :)

  19. What would I not give for an experience like that? Unfortunately, all my thathas (er, actually, only 1 thatha I've seen all my life) took ticket before I could properly learnt to say "Sadhabhishekam" or "Sashtiabdapoorthi". But nanbargal why there? Barely 2 days after returning from the YouYess (unintended Peter, sli-adjust), friend's thatha's bro's *smirk* Sashtiabdapoorthi in Srirangam. Could hardly refuse Mr.Ranga's call as well, so gladly went. Sooper fun. Well, def not as big a crowd, and I was the odd-man out there (only non-relative, only Iyer, etc. :D), still, had fun_max. Ahem, and did I say there were two dhaavani-pottu-suthifying Iyengar-aathu-azhagis as well? ;-)

  20. Cow,

    Took ticket... aaha.. yenna mariyadhai!! :D

    Going by your kadalai record, I have full trust in your abilities and hereby assume that you had a good time attending(if you did !) the Sastiabdhapoorthi :)


Liked it? Or liked it not? You told me once, but I forgot ! Your two cents mean a lot. :-)
Thanks for taking time to comment.