Saturday, August 28, 2010

73. Akhiyon se goli maare

This stale post was rotting in my drafts folder. Dear post, time for Nirvana. 

Of all the embarassing things I put myself through, this one was undoubtedly an #epic(Thanks Twitter!) case. And ironically, only if it weren't for the absolute side-splittingly humorous element of the story.....

As a part of the 'induction' process into 'another' family, a 'Meet the Parents' session gets scheduled at Pizza Hut with yours truly feeling like a micro-organism under a microscope(minus the methyl blue stains and the slide). Quite obviously, for somebody like me, a quick to-do list meant not to raise voice(like usual) so much so that people across next four streets can hear; sit, stand, etc. in a way that would atleast remotely appear feminine(somehow); not jhapatta-marofy on the food, going by past infamous record between yours truly and the sister; not to trip over and fall flat, thanks to duck-like-gait; try_max to avoid foot-in-mouth syndrome and political incorrectness(and not fail at it like the previous zillion times).

15 minutes into the main course with pressure of this kind on mind "to get it right", I see this guy-across-two-tables 'staring' at me. He looked okay-ish, but certainly didn't have the kind of looks that I find attractive, which is not always 'good' looks. You get the drift, right? Noticing, but not reacting, I turn my glance away to look at other tables. A few minutes later, our gazes meet again, this time to last a few seconds more. I get it that the way it is put here, you are sure to ask me if I was staring at him too. No. His staring piqued my curiosity and made me wonder if I looked funny :| This staring-and-looking-elsewhere went on in sporadic bouts and by now, both of us were pretty sure of the other's staring, lest he be squint-eyed, I was not. Err, I mean, I am not.
I looked at myself. Whatay dress, hand-picked to align with future-family's taste. Kya baat hai! Pwetty, I thought to myself. Not really a bad-hair day, too. Going by the given constraints, this guy had obviously taken a liking towards me, I thought. I smirked at the realisation, blissfully unaware of the fact that I was half-smiling at him. And then, in the spur of a moment, he got up and started walking.... towards my table! What on earth was he doing? How could he just mistake a smile to be an indication of some reciprocation of my feelings towards him? I shuddered at what was to happen. What was an initial hesitation in his gait before, had now beautifully transformed itself and assumed a confident demeanor. The devastating aftermaths of something like this were doing a Brute force algorithm of sorts in my head. 3..2..1. 

Destination reached. Almost resisting the urge to shut my eyes, I writhed like a convoluted rattlesnake and decided to look down, keeping my ears open, with extra effort.

And he started speaking. To mere woh.  
Turned out to be his acquaintance. He obviously had been looking/staring with the intention of figuring out who the 'girl' with this guy was. I looked up, not knowing what to do or how to react, and felt dire need to hide my face in the abyss of Mt. Kilimanjaro. Mr. X was very kind and responded with a straightface. EOD, feeling like the goddess of asingapattufication(the act of falling flat on your face). Thank God for small mercies, the conversation didn't last long, he gave me the last glance and went off. So much for all the nuts I roasted inside my head. #tamilified #facepalm


  1. thees is waat they kaal laddu vaangifying :D


  2. I thought you were staring at me all the time :( Never thought that you were staring past me!!! lol

  3. @Gils, Adhu correct'u!

    @Ram, Solluvai, yen solla maatai......

  4. I couldn't stop myself commenting to this post. I am mesmerized.From where you guys get so much information and knowledge. It's just really worth reading.

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  6. Gurrrrrr. I was better off with word verification.

  7. Well ... u cd there be a party to rag u...without my presence ...complete :P

  8. Classic 'jooper' experience ...

    Great 'self' realization ma'am. :)


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